Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize