I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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