I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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