I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
