i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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