I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
