what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
