I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
