I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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