We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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