went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
