I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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