I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize