I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
