is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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