you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
