u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
