I wish I could teleport
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
