I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
