On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
