i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
