and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
