Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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