Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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