Already got asked if we're dating
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
