the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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