NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
