if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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