If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
