Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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