I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
