I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
