i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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