i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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