I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
