WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
