Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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