sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
