Having a random hookup so left but love u
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
