that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
