I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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