I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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