In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize