butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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