I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
