cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
