I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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