I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
