Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
