I cockslap morals
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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