over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just gargled with NyQuil
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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